swiseman (382) - Fredericton, New Brunswick, - MAY 27, 2013
0.9 AROMA 1/10 APPEARANCE 2/5 TASTE 2/10 PALATE 1/5 OVERALL 3/20
I MUST have a bad bottle. This stuff can’t be that bad. Strong aroma of septic. Taste of boiled leaves and fermented grass. borderline drain-pour. Why would Guinness make something this bad?
ScottPurchase (13) - Ontario, CANADA - DEC 13, 2013
2.9 AROMA 3/10 APPEARANCE 4/5 TASTE 7/10 PALATE 3/5 OVERALL 12/20
When I was a young boy I was terrified of some of the sounds that would come through the window of my grandparents back woods house. I would do what any child does, pull my sheets tight to my chest, feeling my heart beat through the thick covers, keep my eyes wide until they got so fatigued sleep came on like a momentous wave. As I grew into my pre-teen years, the night sounds did not become conquered by my maturing perception of the world, but I began intellectualizing the sounds further distressing my fragile mind as I lay in the quiet wood paneled house so remote that we were visitors in those coyote’s domain. Now I did not just hear screeches and howls which gave my younger body an autonomic fear response. Now, I was beginning to realize just outside of my window, a young rabbit was being torn apart alive and I could do nothing but know this was happening and it was not my business that this suffering existed at a frequency beyond comprehension and it was not the worry of the predators outside they had been so tormenting me for years. During these long summer months my grandfather would take me to flea markets where he would look for optimism in the mementos he could realize others had shared once before him and I would wander and try to find an item which I could unequivocally realize as a foundation for a life’s passion. One day while going through a pile of self-hyponsis cassette tapes from the late 1970s I found an old tape with “Sounds of the Waves” written in black marker on a piece of barely adhesive tan masking tape. Being the little miscreant I was back then, I put the tape in my pocket, did a backflip away from the table and walked away with the cassette without arousing any suspicion of what I had done. That night, the moon was bright and the clouds were out of sight with no wind; a quiet night while simultaneously being ideal for hunting. I got into my bed, hoping my grandparents would fornicate tonight allowing their screams and 9-1-1 calls to drown out any violent acts of the animal kingdom throbbing this night. However, my grandfather had accidentally burned his magic wand while stirring our pot of chili in the nude and it would take time to heal. The howls began, and it sounded horrible. I struggled to fight back tears and while my heart raced the cassette in my jacket pocket came into mind. I raced to get it, fearing perhaps my movement would be sensed, I made sure I did mid-air flips and cart wheels across my room in ninja fashion to minimize any noise I would make. I grabbed the casette, popped it into the stereo situated in the room I was sleeping, and heard the woosh of ocean waves come into shore. The rhythm was steady, I felt instant relief. I walked calmly back to my bed, and got back under the covers. Some waves were bigger than others; some came in out of sync breaking the force of the larger waves into small trickles that came into what sounded like a rocky beach. Gulls flew over head. My eyes began to close, I could not hear the animals. I opened my eyes, I was lying on the beach of Downtown Toronto, nude. I opened my eyes, and there was a crowd around me, many looked concerned. A young woman was crying while her husband held her. The sun streamed into my eyes and it hurt as I had not really seen daylight in a year and a half (recall that I had just escaped imprisonment from an underground orgy ring). All I remember is walking out of cave on the water, and now I was here. I sat up and looked around, an old man was shaking his head in disgust. It was not the nudity people were offended by, or my unkept appearance or varicose veins on my reproductive organ, Stu. It was the fact that I had a tattoo on my stomach that read, “Beer me or I will commit a hate crime.” An embarrassing, young mistake, that tattoo, but it has gotten me out of a few binds, and this was no exception. A small vietnamese boy came up to me with a bottle with a navy blue label. “Guinness Black Lager”. ‘How long had I really been gone that this is what Guinness has come to?’ I thought. I took the bottle, tugging off a few thick pieces of chest hair to reward the boy who took it gratefully and ran in a wacky manner back to his Brazilian trainer. The tension in the air was now gone, those who had fear were now not afraid, and those that who had hoped I would lash a minority moved along disappointed back to their beach towels. So I sat there, and cracked the cap off with my eyelid. I ensured my ane was tight to the ground and blew out compressed gas into the sand below. I shifted aside and pulled out the perfect pint glass which had formed from my hot explosion in the sand. I made a promise to myself, with this beer, I would promise myself to abstain from mediocrity and to only accept success in the mattress industry. Of course, I knew nothing about mattresses, or where to start, but I prayed to the beer gods to show me the way. And with that, I poured the Black Lager into the fart glass in my hand. The beer came to bring with a thick finger of foam on top. The foam was not as rich as a guinness draught which was to be expected without any nitrogren widget. But the creaminess was still there, albeit a bit browner of a head and more typical of what you would get from any old lager. The beer was black, true to its name, looking identical to Guinness Stout. The smell, was unbecoming, with an aroma not dissimilar to a cheap macro lager, with at best a subtle hint of coffee. I raised my glass to cheers to no one, a personal tradition, and as I did the sun caught the glass and refracted the bright sunlight into my eye such that I instantly attended to a “Mattress Mart” cube truck driving by on the highway. The beer gods had answered me: I would need to open my own Mattress Mart franchise if I were to ever exact revenge on these insolent swingers who had nearly taken my life. With that realization, I put the beer down inside of me, and despite the bland aroma, the taste was comparable and almost identical to the light sweetness of a Guinness Stout, with more of a medium bitter character to follow through. By the time I had finished the guinness I had been approached by a police officer who dragged me by my long greasy hair through the beach as I screamed, “I’m not a criminal, I’m just a beer connoisseur!”. All I could think of was how much I wanted to start into the mattress business; start my plan for sweet revenge and realize world fame. First I would need to navigate my way out of jail. My name is Scott Purchase and I recommend this biere.
Quevillon (2345) - Sainte-Thérèse, Quebec, CANADA - DEC 13, 2013
2.8 AROMA 7/10 APPEARANCE 2/5 TASTE 5/10 PALATE 2/5 OVERALL 12/20
330 ml bottle purchase at the Hawkesbury LCBO on Decembre 12, 2013. Very dark burgundy, thin head. Aroma of roasted grain, a little coffee. Taste of light grains, dry and, sweet notes of sour fruit, aftertaste of dry coffee. Well it is its weaker cousin and that is not saying much!
Tricker (241) - Quebec, CANADA - DEC 12, 2013
3.5 AROMA 7/10 APPEARANCE 3/5 TASTE 7/10 PALATE 4/5 OVERALL 14/20
Bière noire de 4.5 % d’alcool. On dirait du « coke ». Elle ne possède aucun col au versement. Elle possède un odorat sucré, mais on sent l’aspect commercial. Elle possède un goût salé et sucré à la fois. Il y a un aspect métallique dans le goût. Elle a un goût léger de torréfaction. On goûte bien la céréale (orge). Correcte !
wildbeercat (275) - Tucson, Arizona, USA - DEC 9, 2013
2.6 AROMA 4/10 APPEARANCE 3/5 TASTE 5/10 PALATE 3/5 OVERALL 11/20
440ml/15floz can from Irish Discovery pack into a Guinness glass; served cold.
Aroma: Pretty neutral. There’s some mild malt, but nothing that really stands out.
Appearance: Barely translucent ruby and brown body with a quickly dissipating, but foamy at first, light brown head.
Taste: Pretty malty, yeah. Decent, but once again, no notable flavors to call out. No chocolate or anything like that. Just roasty barley, and that’s ok.
Palate: Medium body. Carbonation is kind of prickly, but not excessively. Short finish.
Overall: A pretty decent one. I wish there were something in the taste or aroma that would remind me of Guinness draught or stout, because I don’t know if I could have picked this out as a Guinness brew in a blind taste. Decent enough though! Simple and good.
kidobutai (122) - Virginia Beach, Virginia, USA - DEC 8, 2013
3.3 AROMA 6/10 APPEARANCE 4/5 TASTE 7/10 PALATE 3/5 OVERALL 13/20
From a bottle. Good dark head and decent lacing. Unremarkable aroma, but smooth drink, not bitter at all, nice lager.
60minuteman (501) - Frazer, Pennsylvania, USA - DEC 8, 2013
2.2 AROMA 5/10 APPEARANCE 3/5 TASTE 4/10 PALATE 2/5 OVERALL 8/20
UPDATED: DEC 16, 2013 Dark color. Malt, barley, yeast. Very rugged beer. Acidic but not very bitter. Medium body
mike5326 (488) - virginia beach, Virginia, USA - DEC 6, 2013
2.2 AROMA 2/10 APPEARANCE 4/5 TASTE 4/10 PALATE 2/5 OVERALL 10/20
Poured from a bottle. Medium brown color, slight off white head. No real aroma. Taste is also bland with slight notes of pepper.
---Rated via Beer Buddy for iPhone
psycotiko (24) - SPAIN - DEC 4, 2013
2.3 AROMA 5/10 APPEARANCE 3/5 TASTE 5/10 PALATE 2/5 OVERALL 8/20
Media pinta. De color negro. Engaña, aparenta tener cuerpo pero en el primer trago quedas decepcionado.
RJ815 (13) - Florida, USA - DEC 3, 2013
3.8 AROMA 5/10 APPEARANCE 4/5 TASTE 8/10 PALATE 4/5 OVERALL 17/20
Smooth and not too bitter. Might not be suitable for those who like a really strong taste, but I found it quite enjoyable. Paired well with sandwiches.
TaxiDriver (1441) - Stadland, GERMANY - DEC 1, 2013
2.6 AROMA 5/10 APPEARANCE 2/5 TASTE 5/10 PALATE 3/5 OVERALL 11/20
A light malty aroma, some hints of roasted malt, a little bit sweet. The small fizzy head disappears fast, the body is black. It tasted a little bit malty, quite bitter. The body is light to medium strong and lively.