cooplander (543) - Florida, USA - FEB 3, 2012
1.9 AROMA 4/10 APPEARANCE 2/5 TASTE 4/10 PALATE 2/5 OVERALL 7/20
slight sweet hop smell, pale straw color, pretty much no lacing, water and a little hops, sub-par overall but not bad for the price and availability
ScottPurchase (8) - Ontario, CANADA - DEC 10, 2013 does not count
2.9 AROMA 5/10 APPEARANCE 3/5 TASTE 6/10 PALATE 2/5 OVERALL 13/20
The car floated across the highway asphalt on that hot July afternoon as if the ties hovered above the ground in virtue of the peace I longed for after that long summer of misfortune and turbulence. Had I known I would be so vulnerable to calculated and precise torment I would never have volunteered as head camp counsellor for those German children who so desperately wanted to soak in the heritage and courage that the Virginia woods could demand. Nonetheless, here I was, looking hard into the car salesman’s eyes as I probed him for an indication of malicious intent, but who was I kidding; this was the only car on the lot I could afford, the only lot in the area which I could access, and the only chance I had of getting as far away from these Arian princes as quickly as I could. So I drove off the lot without so much of a second thought and I crossed state borders and stopped for coffee when I needed it and I did not think much about what I was doing or the morality of leaving the kids on their own when only I was the true leader they required to navigate the wilderness. I only drove and focused on the road which was eaten up below my car as I looked on to my destination, the only place I could turn to in the entire continent of North America but my cousin George who lived in northern ontario. So I drove north and listened to the transients receptive radio stations as I reached the Canadian border I had my passport resting on my lap and my face beaded with sweat as I had recently been accused of harassing phone calls to a train conductor I had met months earlier in a pub who challenged me to a game of darts and unwilling to show defeat I had instead faked an epileptic attack requiring an EMS extraction and yes I regretted the scene but you must understand this is all a foreshadowing to my unfortunate weakness in the face of any defeat and understandably so, I had been refused to even audition from American Idol not days before this chain of events. As I pulled up to the border, I imagined puppies rolling first in water and next in sugar and finally in coconut and imagined them licking each other and tried to channel the joy they would experience as I faced the border agent with a genuinely fantastic smile and morale. He asked if I had anything to claim, placing his hand unenthusiastically on his forehead. "I only claim innocence" I said with a smile, he frown with a puzzling quandary if whether or not I should be punished for my lack of discipline. Out of sheer nerve, I cackled and my left nipple began to leak pus from a poorly healed fishing accident. My brand new used car was then ripped apart in front of me as I offered myself to every border agent in sight for a break, but all they could find was a single tube of lipstick from the glove department. I sat alone in a dark interrogation room, refusing to drink the water, as a busty border agent came to inform me I was free to go she threw the lipstick at my chest, bouncing off me and hitting the floor rolling before hitting the wall lightly with a thin "click". I did not say anything, but grabbed the tube of lipstick rushed to my car and drove north as fast as I could. My heart raced as I drive with amazing speed one hand on the wheel and one hand caressing the lipstick. I could not take this tension, my mind was screaming. Before I understood what volition had come upon me, my car was leaving solid ground into an abyss of water as Lake Superior surrounded me and I sang the first verse of Mad World by Gary Jules. Now underwater, I took the business card of the car salesman and dialed it into my Nokia flip phone and heard his Asian voice greet me. I explained my situation, telling him if he did not give me all the contact information to the previous owner I would go down with my ship and take the DNA samples I had collected from the passenger seat in which he had sat for the test ride in all the most compromising places a middle aged man can have DNA placed. Without hesitation he have me her name, her phone number, and her address. With this information, I apologized for his manhood, head butted the windshield and swam like a dolphin back into US waters. For the next 16 days I ran without stopping and used the stars to navigate to this woman’s house, watching her overcook pasta and watch Dr.Phil jack up a teenager as if she had figured out the secret to a balanced lifestyle. It was my time to enlighten hear. I smeared the lipstick on my lips as so many of my financially obligated lovers had done before, and began sprinting with the full momentum of my pudgy frame as I crashed through her living room window without breaking stride. After I caught my break, my vision returned as I stood there, my head drawn back to keep open my airway but look so strong was our eye contact that I felt my beard grow from the boost of testosterone. At this point, Knowing she had no alarm system I strolled to the bowl of pasta with great confidence and shoved the slimy noodles into my nutrient deprived body, feeling well established in this house wearing nothing but month old tighty whities and a satchel pack. I grunted, collapsing my upper body on her dinner table with a closed fist slamming down on the hard majestic oak she had shared so many meals over with her Craigslist gentleman, I spoke softly, but forcefully, "Do you... Have anything for me to wash this down with". She stood there, a doe in the headlights, as she finally began to process the events which to her I understand, would have seemed extraordinary. But then, she snapped into action grabbing a green bottle from the fridge. She gave it to me, making fleeting eye contact before turning away, "I can get you a glass". I looked at her hand shake as she went for a glass from her cupboard, I looked down at the beer, "don’t bother. There’s no time". She paused, lowered her hand, and turned toward me her hand still trembling as she raised it to her mouth to bite her nail. I looked at her with curiosity, wondering if the police would believe her. Looking back at the beer, I mumbled, "hmm, Heineken. I’ve heard of this". I popped the cap of with my earring, and she fainted. As she collapsed to the floor, I did not move; instead nodding as I brought the beer bottle up to my chapped lips and guzzled the stream into my pot belly. A lager, through and through. A sweet slinky smell with a sweet bitter taste and a refreshing finish. Enough of a fine carbonation to play a bit with the tongue but overall smooth. I finished the beer satisfied but not sold, what did these lager offer that no other could. A green bottle? A safe space? Had I gone through all these tribulations for this achievement. I did not. So I ate all the dog food she had in her house, donated $800 to a German charity using her Visa card, and would you know it, I even performed a magic show for her to make up for the whole ordeal. I’ll be honest this was one of my bravest adventures, and for this reason I believe I think fondly of Heineken in virtue of this association. My name is Scoff Purchase and I recommend this biere.
gunser (33) - HUNGARY - DEC 7, 2013
2.6 AROMA 5/10 APPEARANCE 3/5 TASTE 5/10 PALATE 3/5 OVERALL 10/20
Aranysárga szín, hófehér közepes hab, ami lassan eltűnik. Csípősen szénsavas könnyű test. Enyhe édeskés-gabonás illat, kevés füves komlóval. Szódás indítás után lágy, malátás, kenyeres íz. Utóíze közepesen komlós, száraz.
androman (56) - Maarssen, NETHERLANDS - DEC 7, 2013
2.5 AROMA 4/10 APPEARANCE 4/5 TASTE 4/10 PALATE 3/5 OVERALL 10/20
50cl can @ home. Clear pale color, sparkling, strong white head. Aroma malty, watery. Taste medium sweetness, lightly bitter. Light body, lively carbon, sweetish-bitter finish. Refreshing, but very boring average beer. Of course, because this is the beer I’ve drunk the most so far in my life. Not because I liked it so much, but because it was always easily accessible. So it’s funny to rate it now.
Lowenbrau (1464) - Asturias, Oviedo, SPAIN - DEC 5, 2013
1.2 AROMA 2/10 APPEARANCE 3/5 TASTE 2/10 PALATE 1/5 OVERALL 4/20
Many years since i had it for last time, but i guess its the same crap, at least the exported version we get in Spain, brewed in Seville. Cornish, skunky, and all the flaws you may want to add. Tasted in The Netherlands, much better than other versions, but again mainstream lager.
subcombicio (142) - Marghera, ITALY - DEC 2, 2013
0.8 AROMA 2/10 APPEARANCE 1/5 TASTE 2/10 PALATE 1/5 OVERALL 2/20
UPDATED: DEC 6, 2013 Bevuta in birrificio non č neanche male anche se comunque una birra industriale quindi non buona di partenza. Una birra semplice e perché pastorizzata non il massimo appunto (quella prodotta qui in Italia ancora piu semplice) !!
cargo150 (152) - Quebec, CANADA - DEC 1, 2013
2.1 AROMA 4/10 APPEARANCE 2/5 TASTE 5/10 PALATE 3/5 OVERALL 7/20
Bičre connu partout au travers le monde. De couleur blonde translucide avec un léger col mousseux blanc. Nez de houblon et de malt peu complexe. Męme chose en bouche. Un peu différente de d’autre lager classique mais assez dure a boire et ne révolutionne rien.
stravale (1697) - Near Carrick-on-Shannon, IRELAND - NOV 30, 2013
1.2 AROMA 2/10 APPEARANCE 2/5 TASTE 2/10 PALATE 2/5 OVERALL 4/20
Keg - 4.3%? sold in Ireland - no point in naming the pub
Light golden, clear, fizzy white head
Aroma - canned sweetcorn, some metal
Taste - light sweet corn flavoured lager malt, cardboard, some metal, really struggled through a pint, dab of chemicals, very poor flavour
Palate - Medium carb, thin body, light sweet. Finish - artifical corn, metal
Overall - Even amongst mass produced rubbish this is terrible (and worse than the UK 5% keg version). Absolutely no fun to drink.
sbron (28) - NETHERLANDS - NOV 28, 2013
4 AROMA 7/10 APPEARANCE 4/5 TASTE 7/10 PALATE 5/5 OVERALL 17/20
Flesje 33cl. Lichtgeel, witte schuimkraag. Smaakt Hoppig en licht waterig. Makkelijk te drinken.
AdvantageRob (8) - Dayton, Ohio, USA - NOV 27, 2013 does not count
0.8 AROMA 1/10 APPEARANCE 2/5 TASTE 2/10 PALATE 1/5 OVERALL 2/20
Very fragile, too much sun during storage = skunk. Can’t reccomend this to anyone. Not to be savored!
Creedence (222) - Cork, IRELAND - NOV 25, 2013
2.1 AROMA 2/10 APPEARANCE 3/5 TASTE 5/10 PALATE 3/5 OVERALL 8/20
Keg pint. I had tasting notes for this before but lost them, so here we go again. Pours a clear fizzy golden with quite a nice lasting white head. Looks like a thirst quencher. Aroma is close to nil, very light grassiness to it. Taste is not that bad, a little watery, but some reasonable fruity sweetness and a slightly floral grassy bitterness. Lively carbonation, with a watery enough aftertaste, but a very refreshing palate to it. Overall, it didn’t fare as poorly as I thought. Possibly one of the ever so slightly better macro lagers, but still wouldn’t drink it by choice.