Icehouse

Brewed by Miller Brewing Company (MillerCoors)
Style: Pale Lager
Milwaukee, Wisconsin USA

Serve in Dimpled mug, English pint, Lager glass, Shaker

9/20/08 From a 16oz can. Aroma is sour and very bready. Appearance is clear straw yellow with almost no white head. Flavor is sweet malt forward with slight sourness, simple, with a medium-high metallic bittering. Mouthfeel is light bodied with a high carb texture and dry finish. Overall, hard to get down, doesn’t seem to taste that bad, but gives me a gag reflex; unsure of the cause.

To begin, this rating was inspired by a user here by the name of keithd. He had some very creative descriptions when rating brews; some funny, some very strange, all very entertaining. I ran across his rating for Icehouse and remembered certain parts of it. Here is, more or less, his "review" of that beer, with some additional fictional parts by me and my own rating of it. Wherever you are Keith, this one’s for you:

You trudge along wearily in the middle of a blizzard. A crude made visor made from cloth does nothing for you as tiny snow pellets sting your eyes. The snow, the wind, the cold- forcing your eyes to become hot and tear. In the distance in a secluded forest, you make out what appears to be a crude structure. You think to yourself that you just may be able to ride out this storm if you could find yourself some shelter. As you draw closer, it’s appearance makes itself known. BEHOLD- A majestic icehouse! As you sit yourself inside of the structure, you light a lamp to discover a pile of 12 oz. bottles bearing the name Icehouse. You pour one into a clear stein vessel and notice the medium carbonation that drives away the bubbly white head all too quickly. Aromas of corn and grass hit the nose as you take in it’s majestic glory. It hits your mouth with a weak body, the corn is heavily apparent and has a malt liquor quality to it, but the finish is very inviting, making you want to drink more. You continue to pound away Icehouse after Icehouse in an orgasmic, raging, drunken fury. Your worn face from traveling has become one of great joy, all in part from this magical elixir! Pure drunken bliss seems imminent. Suddenly, a door opens! A shadow comes racing towards you! The creature, part yeti, part drunken frat boy, grabs you by the head and breaks you of your delightful journey in the mind. Exposing long yellow fangs, it starts tearing away at your face with them. You shreak in terror as blood comes pouring from your flesh. Fighting against the monster is useless as it now goes for your neck and starts to drain the life out of you. One lingering thought enters your mind before your journey into the upcoming void- you should have never entered the icehouse.

Another cheap, bad beer. Watered down, actually some hops (though not much), and metal/cereal. Drink ’em cold and fast.

This is a watered down piss poor beer who’s only saving grace is the 5 and a half percent to make you forget about the crap you are drinking.

How funny that this pisswater will be my 750th rating. I could swear I rated this one a long time ago. Guess not. This was my cheap beer of choice in college. Better than a bud IMO. So it will get a better score...but not by much.

Now everybody has that one cheap beer that they like. It could be Keystone or maybe Natural Ice; well this one is mine. It has a somewhat smooth taste for what it is and doesn’t taste like gasoline like some of those out there. Lets just say after a few of these it’s like drinking water. It does it’s job.

Rock the house with Icehouse. This brew gives me many fond memories of adelesence. Theres an afterkick to this brew that holds down a spectacular finish when the bottles being to follow each other in emptiness. Definatley not watered down.

Can bought at the Utah State Store. Pours a clear yellow with a large frothy head that dies down to next to nothing. The aroma is sweet corn, malts and grasses. The flavor is pretty sweet, I don’t know how this is hoppy, it seems a mixture of skunked malts and some alcohol. Not horrible, but not good.