Icehouse

Oh wretch, wretch that I am! I, now with a blackened soul, sullied by a crime too heinous, for even to think it aches! It strangles and it burns; oh to you, I’d give anything for mercy. Oh to you, for the world’s plenty I’d trade mercy, to rid myself of this sickly ill! I thirsted, I thirsted for you and no call came to me. Still, I thirsted, I thirsted for you and then there came a cry. A meek cry, a wicked cry, a cry from the fridge. Afraid, I opened the door and laid bare my eyes upon a can of Icehouse. Please, do not strike me down; I was weak! I now seek your bathing wisdom, your omnipotence, you sparkling shine. Friends and comrades around me bade me to drink - it was the drink of malintent, now I know - and I did. Oh wretched me, pitiful me, corrupted by that pale venom. Straight from the snake’s tooth to my veins, oh ye God, wherefore I imbibed it? By temptation I took hold of my pure chalice, not one eve ago blessed by a Unibroue, and poured this sickly water in it. The letters upon the benison cup, “Orval” began to warp such that I closed my eyes to wash away the illusion, but still they twisted and writhed. Dazed, I held it back, before taking the wicked blood of Hell to my lips. Down it swept, filling my head and throat with a noxious plague. Is this punishment from you? Is it a scourging upon my back, a beating across the scalp, a lashing on the leg? I deserve it. The things I tasted; oh foolish me! Nothing like beer, hardly a beer. Like carbonated corn syrup, and now I know it all too well. Forgive, forgive! I have trespassed and seek to repent. For the things I tasted I weep, and for the things I saw I scream. The first sip was terrible, and upon that droplet the blessed glass, again ingrained with the Holy monologistas word “Orval” cracked. Fearful I dropped it, and the earth began to tremble. I heard upon the nighttime air an organ playing the notes of condemnation. Running was usless, as the ground shifted and splintered. I fell upon my face and bled. When I looked up I thought I saw your visage; your look of anger. Around me earthen spires shot from the ground, and I was covered in the terrestrial soot. Magma too came forth and swelled around me like a lake. I wept, I wept for you, as I stood inside that ring of liquid fire. The sky was blacker than sleep, the fires angrier than the smith’s furnace, the earth shook with a terrifying rage. This I remember, and as the rocks fell upon me, as the ring of fire crept closer, as the earth split in two I reached longingly for your loving grasp. It was done, and I fell. For a long time I knew nothing. When I woke up the world was reassembled. I gasped for air as a newborn babe does, and took stock of the present. All was as it should be. And then I saw you, oh graceful beer, oh merciful brew. You came to my rescue; and so it shall be that the annals of my life will be dedicated to you, for a better beer, a beer that was not Icehouse had come to me. Icehouse shall I never drink, never to cross you again. (In other words, this stuff is terrible.)

Brilliant chili beer. Light, sweet, non pretentious. Being discontinued, I understand.

I find nothing desirable about this beer. The colour is a complete turnoff, and if you continue from there, you’ll learn to trust your first instincts, rather than ignore them(they should have told you to avoid this one).

Very pale color. Weak malty aroma. Taste is very bland. No outstanding character. Thought it migh have a hoppy finish, but instead it was metallic.

Bottle at Crescent Oaks. Poured a pale golden color with just a bit of reddish brown highlights, almost no head. There was really no aroma other than a touch of malt. The flavor wasn’t too bad for a macro brew, it had some malt and a bit of sweetness to balance out a prevalent alcohol taste. It was a bit watery on the palate but the carbonation was fine. Not a great beer, but tasted alright after a round of golf.

This stuff is drinkable, but not if you’re full of food, you are cold, or if the beer is close to 30 degrees. It really is a can od crappy swill.

You know what? I like this beer. It may be the cheapest beer I enjoy, but for me it’s not too bad.

Why are you drinking this beer? To enjoy the taste or to play pong? Seriously, this beer was borne of a sport, not of a taste.