UDBeernut (1265) - Near Buffalo, New York, USA - FEB 29, 2012
2.1 AROMA 4/10 APPEARANCE 2/5 TASTE 4/10 PALATE 3/5 OVERALL 8/20
Bottle poured into standard pint, drink before June 09.
A: golden straw color, slight head with little rention. Good amount of bubbling carbonation
S: malt with a note of noble hop aroma
T: crisp maltish biscuit taste, well balanced with noble hop flavor. Slightly watery, but refreshing
ScottPurchase (13) - Ontario, CANADA - DEC 14, 2013
2.5 AROMA 4/10 APPEARANCE 3/5 TASTE 5/10 PALATE 2/5 OVERALL 11/20
I looked up at the light. The electronic buzz and halogen hue of the ceiling above blended into one, as I sunk into the Queen sized memory foam mattress, the visco-elastic material being the same that NASA uses caressing my soft buttocks nicely. With my eyes closed I focused in on the buzz coming from the lights, and drifted into sleep. Moments later I opened his eyes to see Ariel scowling down at me. “I don’t pay you to sleep on the mattresses, I pay you to sell the damn things”, menaced Ariel turning his back on me and walking back to his desk at the other side of the room. I sat up and looked out the large window beside the bare mattress I had curled up on. The skies were looming with a dark black overcast in the distance; a grey blanket directly overhead. I looked at my watch: 4:43pm. 17 more minutes and I would be done for the week.
Today, I had not sold a single mattress, and this week I had only sold two items in total, a $600 double microdenir and a $10 pillow case; silk nonetheless. I continued looking out the window for some time, until I attended to my reflection in the windows clean on the outside but lightly faded with grey dust on the inside. Where had I come from? I was a prisoner for 17 months in a violent sex ring, and now I was here. Was I much better off? At least then I was unique. My boss, now eyeing me down while chomping on a handful of chocolate covered pretzels, was a convicted sex offender yet made twice as much as I did. Granted, I owed him, for he had bailed me out of jail in response to a message he received from the beer Gods. But he had brought me into this desolate store with promises of ownership but here I was, 3 months later, and I was still an employee on a entry-level probationary salary. As I got to know him better, I was surprised less by how he had drawn me into this facade. In a nutshell, Ariel was a crafty f*cker who knew his way around with hidden cameras and women’s change rooms; not to mention he knew how to slip a few roofies in his younger years. But Ariel had settled down, and it was obvious he needed to assert his dominance and sexual frustrations out on someone, and being the wounded creature I was, I suppose I was an easy target. I first tasted Ariel’s juices in my coffee after a month on the job, and I began to notice him watching me do hot yoga on thursday nights with his telescope from a neighbouring bakery. He had perfected the art of creeping, and at 68 years old Ariel was going strong with his regular Friday night hooker lined up I knew Ariel was getting more tonight than I would be.
“You’re closing tonight”, Ariel said as he picked up his coat and walked out the door, the digital sensor ringing as the door opened and closed. I stood up off of the mattress and watched Ariel walk across the parking lot, his whispy ash hair blowing sideways in the heavy wind. Just seeing the way the clouds coloured his skin from above told me it was going to rain hard tonight. As he struggled to open the door to his ’97 chevy cavalier I thought about loneliness and what it means to be alive and how I thought I had died when I was in the dark room but my thoughts often wandered and my maniacal thoughts dissolved while Ariel got in his car and sped out onto the cracked vulnerably dry roadway. I went in the backroom, made sure the loading door was bolted shut from the inside, turned off the lights to the store using the circuit breaker, and walked to the entrance of the empty store waiting for my watch to chime, knowing Ariel would give me hell if he saw the store was closed a minute before 5pm. I leaned up against the counter and looked down at my shoes; shoes so over the top shiny, like my job meant something. A shock of adrenaline rushed through me as a figure appeared in the reflection of the shoes and I looked up to see a dark haired man with pale skin staring at me with an intense expression of harmful intent. “Sir, we’re closing” I said, struggling to maintain eye contact with the man’s piercing blue eyes, I tried to conceal my stubby chud train forming from the excitement forcing my hands in my pockets which must have seemed like an act of mischeivious aggression on my part.
The man’s expression held, until in an instant, the muscles in his face seemed to relax in a deliberate manner as he forced out a smile, “I’ll come back tomorrow then.” The man walked calmly and smoothly out of the door without another word, and I walked behind him, arming the security system and locking the door as the man’s long black trenchcoat blew in the strong wind as it began to rain. I ran to my scooter, doing a mid-air flip as I popped my umbrella, landed on the scooter and began to thrust up to my cruising speed of 15mph holding the scooter handle bar with one hand and the umbrella with another, an act I dare you to master yourself. The highway was wet as I sped onto the merging lane, and I was nervous without my helmet which I had left at home. After 4 hours of labouring down the highway on my scooter, I arrived in my neighbourhood, stopping at the corner store to pick up instant noodles and walked my scooter up to the front porch. The paint on the house was peeling and the door was loose on its hinges causing it to blow open as the wind of the storm forced it to.
I was house sitting for my cousin and his family who were cottaging for the summer, and I had let the place go. I walked through the door and crashed onto the couch feeling my aching muscles and back for a moment exhibit transient relaxation. I flipped open my nephew’s macbook and went through his emails finding nothing amusing. I had no money for computers back then, nor did I have an interest in the internets or anything of the sort as I had troubles with it in the past. However, sometimes I searched things on the web and I read and I would feel sad for the somber stories and only numb for the happy ones. I typed ‘how to become a better mattress salesman’ into AskJeeves and pressed enter. As I did, I saw something move on the table. It was a black ant which out of pure instinct, I sent my fist down upon the insect while swearing under my breath. I began to read the articles coming up from Swedish Mattress Salesmen and theories and success stories and I felt my stomach growl so I went to the kitchen and put my noodles in the microwave and ate them while standing. After throwing the empty cardboard bowl into the garbage bag I had lying on the floor, I went back to the couch, lay on my side and turned on the television. I could only find reality shows or game shows so I chose reality shows but only stared at the screen for 2 hours until my eyes burned. I blinked out of this daze and looked back to the laptop which had gone into stand-by mode.
I sat up and shifted back to the center of the couch where the laptop was accessible and waited for the screen to activate. The screen came on, but my eyes were fixated beside the laptop where I saw a faint movement. The legs, one pressing on the other, so smashed and battered, moving slowly but deliberately. The ant I had hit, dazed and unable to move, leaking out of its body many fluids. I must have hit it 5 hours ago, and it was still suffering. That would have felt like an eternity, I thought. I looked at the screen, my compulsive queries in order to become a better mattress salesman. I burst into tears; catharsis; release. It woulln’t be okay but now I felt like it was okay that it was so. I was a survivor; I am a survivor.
My problems became clear all at once, and I took a tissue and crushed the ant into nothing. My job was not to sell mattresses for Ariel, this man of deceit and insolence. I was meant to kill him. Yes, it was clear Ariel would need to die for me to get closer to restitution of the wrongs which had been bestowed upon me. And then I did 2 front flips, a cart wheel, and drank a Molson Canadian which had a bready smell, a watery light hop taste. It was something I was not orgasmic about but would choose over a Coors any day and while I drank I touched myself and later that night I slept upside down in a neighbour’s laundry shoot while I prepared and rested for the arduous task ahead of me. My name is Scott Purchase and I recommend this biere.
Dacrza (416) - Great Meadows, New Jersey, USA - DEC 14, 2013
2 AROMA 4/10 APPEARANCE 2/5 TASTE 4/10 PALATE 3/5 OVERALL 7/20
DATE TASTED: November 30, 2013... GLASSWARE: standard pilsner...OCCASION: Cavs take on the Rose-less Bulls-suddenly, a fair fight... APPEARANCE: surprise--golden!--with a thin, off-white head that offers few bubbles; no lacing of significance... AROMA: tinny, bready and rather nondescript... PALATE: thin, drinkable and unfilling--a bit gassy but also a tad more substantial than the standard adjunct...TASTE: beefy in the aftertaste; the 40 oz. malts underpin a drinkable, thin lager--not much else to profile...OVERALL: rather drinking this than other Coors products is not high praise, but as a Turkey-day offering beyond the standard lights, Molson held interest and please a few guests with its presence; overall, a slightly more substantial mouth rinser...
Masterkush7 (141) - Edmonton, Alberta, CANADA - DEC 5, 2013
0.9 AROMA 2/10 APPEARANCE 2/5 TASTE 2/10 PALATE 2/5 OVERALL 1/20
pretty crappy macro lager. tastes like a stale beer to me. if i had a choice i would not be drinking this right now.
SpongeRuiner (433) - Michigan, USA - NOV 21, 2013
1.4 AROMA 1/10 APPEARANCE 1/5 TASTE 2/10 PALATE 1/5 OVERALL 9/20
Had on tap at the bar upstairs from an ice arena I play hockey at. It’s slim pickins there. Can you tell?
merc7186 (1490) - North Tonawanda, New York, USA - NOV 6, 2013
2.2 AROMA 4/10 APPEARANCE 2/5 TASTE 5/10 PALATE 2/5 OVERALL 9/20
Aroma: Corn, Sweet Biscuits
Appearance: Golden Straw Hue, Passes Lots of Light, Very Thin White Head Ring, No Lacing
Taste: Sweet Corn, Mildly Metallic
Mouthfeel: Poor Carbonation, Light to Medium Bodied, Watery
This beer is exactly ’Yellow Fizzy Water’ as a fellow RB tried to refute several reviews earlier. Apparently, his palate must be more refined than mine because this is just another adjunct failboat.
Valfar (67) - San Miguel, EL SALVADOR - OCT 25, 2013
4.3 AROMA 9/10 APPEARANCE 4/5 TASTE 8/10 PALATE 4/5 OVERALL 18/20
The only Canadian beer I’ve tasted so far. One of the nicest ones, beginning with its aroma, malty, cereal and sweet, very inviting. It has also a good medium body, fuzzy and a nice foam. Its taste is a bit smooth, sweet malt with traces of bitterness. Thanks Canada.
fakebeersnob (87) - Saginaw, Michigan, USA - OCT 6, 2013
1.3 AROMA 3/10 APPEARANCE 2/5 TASTE 3/10 PALATE 2/5 OVERALL 3/20
Was hesitant about reviewing this one. This was a beer I drank frequently before getting in to craft, micros, and foreign beers. I find it difficult to drink now. I had it at a wedding last night and after two I switched to mixed drinks. Sure, it is a lot better than Bud Light and Budweiser, and marginally better than Miller Lite, but overall it is just a bland beer. Can only drink it very cold.
ThisWangsChung (638) - Leonardtown, Maryland, USA - SEP 17, 2013
2.7 AROMA 5/10 APPEARANCE 4/5 TASTE 5/10 PALATE 3/5 OVERALL 10/20
24 oz can into a glass. Woo, ’Merica! Wait...
A: Pours a straw color. The three-finger white head actually has a bit of duration to it - a good duration, actually. There’s even some spotty lacing left on the glass. For a macro lager, this looks damn good.
S: The aroma is generally pretty corny, with some lime sweetness. Not as bad as, say, Budweiser.
T: It starts with a notable presence of cereal grains. Aside from a subtle fruit ester quality and the faintest twinge of hops on the aftertaste, there isn’t a whole lot of flavor. The best feature isn’t that it’s great, because it clearly isn’t, but that the bad elements of the style are restrained acceptably.
M: It feels sweet and even a bit slimy on the palate. However, if there’s a positive trade-off, it’s that the raging carbonation ever-so-prevalent in the style is dialed back well. Very easy to drink, but I wish it was drier - the sweetness is a bit cloying to me.
O: I’ve had FAR worse macro lagers than this. And I’ve even had worse craft beers than this, too. This is perfectly okay, if not exactly good. I can now see where some of you Canadians are coming from - this blows our BMC out of the water. Hell, I’d even drink this again.
Chad9976 (1024) - Albany, New York, USA - SEP 16, 2013
3.3 AROMA 6/10 APPEARANCE 4/5 TASTE 6/10 PALATE 5/5 OVERALL 12/20
I poured a 24oz can into a large mug. It had a best before date of 12/1/13. It cost $1.81 ($0.08 per ounce).
Appearance: Clear gold hue, plenty of visible carbonation. Pours to a large, bright white, fluffy head which retains and laces quite well for a macro lager.
Smell: Sweeter than most of the style. Nothing off-putting.
Taste: When it comes to adjunct macro lagers, you sometimes have to judge them by how more-than-tolerable they are. I recently participated in a blind tasting of 12 macro lagers and Molson Canadian scored surprising high (relatively speaking). I decided to buy a separate can and give it a formal review. As a standalone beverage, it’s not too bad since it’s remarkably sweet, rather clean and easy to drink. Not that it’s especially delicious, though.
It’s not too often you encounter a beer of this sort that’s noticeably sweet, and if you do they tend to be a little cloying. In the case of Molson Canadian, I think the adjuncts are actually balancing it out and preventing that from happening. There’s pretty much just one flavor throughout: a lightly sweet taste of pale malt, akin to eating an English muffin untoasted. There’s a bit of a corn/metallic tang on the finish, but it’s not abrasive. There’s even a lightly sweet aftertaste identical to the beer’s flavor itself. While I won’t exactly jump for joy over this palette, I will say there’s actually flavor to appreciate here with no acetaldehyde or DMS present.
Drinkability: Craft beer nerds tend to label beers like this "fizzy yellow lagers," but Molson Canadian is actually quite contained. While it’s plenty carbonated, it’s not spastic or out of control. The mouthfeel is thin, but not "light" lager thin, nor is it watery. It’s a smooth brew for sure. At 5% ABV, it’s got enough body to satisfy for one large serving. I wouldn’t recommend sessioning it, though.
UncleMcHoppy (24) - Old Tappan, New Jersey, USA - SEP 7, 2013
2.3 AROMA 5/10 APPEARANCE 3/5 TASTE 4/10 PALATE 2/5 OVERALL 9/20
Sweet and light, but then it's not meant to be taken too seriously. Enjoy it on the patio on a sunny summer afternoon or during the hockey game on a cold winter night.
---Rated via Beer Buddy for iPhone