 CharlesDarwin (1323), State College, Pennsylvania, USA
Nov 20, 2007
Rating #1000. Poured from a 40oz clear glass bottle and enjoyed as a "Cincinnati" from a Mason Jar, while listening to free-form spoken word performance. Salty cornfield and cow intestine wafts
from tangy pre-manure liquor. A bit of that waxy artificial glow from
a pack of 1980s basketball cards. Heavy on the dioxin and mimeograph
fluids. Dead Czechoslovakian hops lay in residual ruins, centrifuged
to pulped plant matter. Mostly revolting. After topping off the mason
jar with two-week old flat Canada Dry Club Soda, the beer froths heavy
with a cigarette-wrapper white foam, lacing in cobwebs. Color is the
pallor of filtered lemonade and 10pm drinking urine. Flavor comes on
quietly and with sneaky intentions of loading the liver with fusels.
Not as bad as I had envisioned. Boiled kernel corn, peanut husks, and
cheap guava-flavored Guatemalan candy. Long dead hop oils coalesce in
alcoholic form, reeking of bum sweat. Mostly undone. Unfinished DMS
and fusel reek clogs up the olfactories in the way that only civil
disobedience can. Detectable apple candy puckers the back end with
flagrant sacrilege. Leaves a certain department store malaise about
the mouth, with blows of detergent and cotton. Cat dander and phenol
glow in the middle, creating a curt sense of being dismissed
by a Korean masseuse. This is the kind of beer one would drink while
sitting on a cement wall in suburban Des Moines, denigrating the
sorry state of human affairs and tossing insults at passersby en route to
the local Starbucks. Little is done to bring about a cyclonic
atmosphere, except to induce an inebriating spinning sensation. With
this you’re right out there, wide open, with all the derelict sense of
disapproving cultural ambiguity necessary to appreciate your bourgeois
intentions.
kurtkosher (147), USA
Jun 20, 2008 this has got to be without a doubt one of the most vile things ive ever had the displeasure of consuming. i had to spit it out. disgusting
whiteman1488 (18), New York, USA
May 16, 2008 WORST. BEER. EVER. I’m not going to lie, sometimes I like to re-live my teenage years and drink a 40, but I can’t finish a 40 of this crap without vomiting. Aroma/taste of piss and vomit. This is pure unadulterated rotgut.
MrBeerFanatic (185), jamestown, New York, USA
May 12, 2008 This is not something you buy for taste, its something you buy for a nice buzz or to get drunk. Nuff typed. I don’t even know why I’m rating this LOL.
Tyrone (1), Highland Park, Chattanooga, Tennessee, USA
does not count  Apr 22, 2008 The beer was sampled from a 40 ounce container with a twist off top. It was sampled from a paper bag so the po-po don’t think I’m ridin dirty. A dark yellow to almost golden apperance with a moderate whispy white head. It left a nice lace on the pavement as I poured some out for Lo-Dogg. The beer had some corn notes, some fuselage, and also a mild bubblegum character. The finish was a little harsh and slightly sweet. This was rather smooth for a malt liquor. Watch out though G, this shit will wreck yo dome in a hurry. That dogg on the can means bidness. Hold it down, aight?
Mac_An_Ultaigh (44), Tampa, Florida, USA
Apr 20, 2008 I’ll never trash a beer as long as I live, no matter how nasty is really is. Since St. Ides is not a beer, I would like to take this opportunity to completely annihilate the rating of "The Crooked I". I don’t drink forties that often these days, but I do know a good forty from a bad forty. The aroma varies ony slightly from that of 3-days-stale urine combined with draught swill. The thick, supersweet syrup is difficult to swallow and will instantly give you the bubbleguts. And by bubbleguts I mean diarrhea. I may or may not have gagged more than once while choking down this vile, heavy, disgusting excuse for a forty-ounce. I got a headache with 5oz. to go. Terrible.
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