Hops Grillhouse and Brewery - Miami

No Longer In Business

Chain brewpub with some mediocre beers. Not bad but not great. Selection was also limited to house beers, not sure if they even carried any of the major breweries selection. Food was also what you can expect from a chain restaurant.

A barrel of laughs! A continuous assault of soured upholstering and mildewed carpets the nose can never adjust to. Sewers in India smell sweeter. Decor like a Denny’s dungeon with pseudo brewerania slapped together haphazardly, makes me wretch. Imagining a worse scene takes me to dark parts of my mind I don’t want to visit. They play Cheryl Crow. Ask me how we survived this. It got worse and worse, making us laugh harder and harder and that is how. We are troopers and we are masochists... Recalling the food brings me pain. First the dinner rolls look like Elf turds, says Josh but having never seen an Elf turd I cannot say. They do look, smell and taste exactly like Pillsbury buns from the twisty can. Here at Hops they drizzle some sweet shit-colored sauce on top. As if artificial dough isn’t enough to kill us. The menu includes one good thing: seared tuna. It really WAS rare. THAT is why my food rating is not a 1. The beers suck ass, and badly. The service is friendly from corporate training. Beers are presented proudly with introductions like This is our Bud Light. This is our Kilkenny. This is our Guinness. The sincerity was cute, but also sad. Worth a visit to see how low you can go for an American brewpub borne only from a business gimmick. The amount of laughs this gave me warrant the overall score of 3 instead of the 1 it probably deserves.

Well now this was fun. First, it smells. The carpet and upholstery look like they have never been changed and that’s where the smell comes from, all the mites and decaying skin flakes and stuff. Nasty. They vacuum and sort utensils in the dining area while still an hour before the end of service. The food is pure Sysco, of course, except the chili which they get from Wendy’s. The service was pretty good, which made all of this quite laughable rather than miserable. The beers were as boring as can be, but with some flaws here and there as well. There were just so many problems here, management is clearly in over their head.