Beer Ratings: Rants

Åbro Bryggmästarens Alkoholfria 1.4  
Åbro Bryggeri Vimmerby, Kalmar
Bottle from Hemköp, Stäket. Golden with a medium white head. Sweet and thin with bread and metallic notes. Not a favourite.

Desperados Mojito 0.6  
Heineken France (Heineken) Rueil-Malmaison, Ile-de-France
Színe arany. Meglepetésemre van habja. Illata számomra felejtős. Dobozán lévő felirat szerint sör. Fogadjuk el, viszont akkor bukott. Ízében semmi nem utal a sörre. Most február lévén nem tudom elméletem tesztelni, de talán nyáron jól lehűtve hűsítőnek esetleg. Röviden: 😩 Kóstolva: 2021. 02. 01.

Zundert Trappist 8 1.7  
Trappistenbrouwerij De Kievit Zundert, North Brabant
Aroma of baked banana bread crust, nuts, berry esters, and plastic wheat malt. Flavor has an assertive phenol presence. Medium body with high carbonation. Rich and bready, with a lot of Belgian yeast character.

WeldWerks Pow Pow Pils 1.7  
WeldWerks Brewing Company Greeley, Colorado
Can (Dec 20, 2021 canning). Head is initially small to average sized, frothy, white, mostly diminishing. Body is medium yellow. Aroma is lightly malty (grain), lightly to moderately hoppy (lime, flowers, melon), with a strong note of fabric softener, other notes of Smarties candies, plastic. Flavor is moderately sweet, lightly acidic, lightly bitter. Finish is lightly to moderately sweet, lightly to moderately bitter, unclean. Medium body, watery texture, lively carbonation. Very chemical-laden and artificial smelling, aromatically. Sour-ish with a horribly dirty aftertaste, very unpleasant to drink. Yikes! Quite the abomination. Now I'm starting to wonder how Urqweld ended up being drinkable...

WeldWerks Weld Pilsner 1.6  
WeldWerks Brewing Company Greeley, Colorado
Can (Nov 5, 2021 canning). Head is initially small to average sized, frothy, white, mostly diminishing. Body is medium yellow. Aroma is lightly to moderately malty (malt syrup, grain), lightly hoppy (herbs), with a note of apple butter / apple juice. Flavor is moderately sweet, lightly to moderately acidic, lightly bitter. Finish is lightly sweet, lightly to moderately acidic, lightly to moderately bitter, unclean. Medium body, watery/syrupy texture, lively carbonation. Sure seems like this would be just a rebranding of their decent Urqweld pils (same ABV and style), but sadly this is nowhere near as good. Or perhaps almost 3 months in the can has completely killed it. Sour and appley and raw-syrupy. A frightful drain pour.

Oozlefinch BYOPBnJ 1.5  
The Oozlefinch Craft Brewery Fort Monroe, Virginia
This is the purplest damn beer I’ve ever seen, that’s for sure. Just so unrelentingly sweet; doesn’t taste like a sour, or even a beer. Loads of thick banana, concord grape jelly, peanut butter, and a fuckton of lactose. Grows cloy on the front end; becomes like straight grape soda concentrate by the finish. Veers straight into undrinkable territory. I’m closing in on 4100 beers and this is one of the absolute worst I’ve ever tasted.

Moczybroda Brain Smasher 1.6  
Moczybroda Tarnowo Podgórne, Greater Poland
Mocno goryczkowy, alkoholowy, bez smaku - delikatnie wyczuwalne cytrusy. Takie Książęce IPA, tylko że gorsze.

Max & Jack’s Lemon Gardenmint 1.9  
Bottle sample at a tasting at Yoav's place. Hazy pale yellow. Lemonade, sweet, sugary, a bit of alcohol.

TBP Total Procrastination 0.9  
TBP Saint Petersburg, Saint Petersburg
Can sample at a tasting at Max's place. Thanks Max. Cloudy golden. Lots of disgusting cucumber, cucumber flavor, lemony note. Awful. Every tiny sip is a struggle.

Pacifico Clara 1.8  
Grupo Modelo - Corona (AB InBev) México DF, Mexico City
The can is bright yellow. And has a life preserver on it. I imagine this is to increase the safety of drinking it. It has all the typical qualities of a pale yellow Mexican corn beer. Not much taste. Sweet, but with a grainy sort of taste and just a hint of hops. Corn beer. That is what it is. Probably much better sitting in the sun on a beach than in most other contexts. This one is a little thicker than the rest of the crowd... but even that comes across as just a little syrupiness. Extra-meh. Would drink it if this was all there was. In the genre I prefer Sol.

Brothers Marshmallow English Cider 1.1  
Brothers Cider (Brothers Drinks) Shepton Mallet, Somerset
500ml bottle. Clear pinkish amber color. Why? Fckin why? Diabetes in all levels! Useless piece of candy dissolved in alcohol. 3kg of candies per 100ml of liquid. Horror. Not a cider.

Brothers Pink Grapefruit 1.9  
Brothers Cider (Brothers Drinks) Shepton Mallet, Somerset
500ml bottle. Straight from the bottle 'cause why bother brother. This is just sweet red grapefruit juice. No beer found.

Krotoszyn Truskawka w Czekoladzie 0.5  
Piwna Dystrybucja Sp. z o.o. Bojanowa, Greater Poland
Najgorsze "piwo', jakie piłem. Trudno o coś bardziej sztucznego i podłego, aż musiałem czymś przepić ten posmak.

Pilsvar Góralskie 1.8  
W aromacie nuty zbożowe, trochę kukurydzy, masło. W smaku słodkawe. Pijalność dość wysoka, wodniste, goryczka średnia. Ogólnie bliżej temu piwu do common lagera niż do pilsa.

Flying Dog Freezin' Season 1.9  
Flying Dog Brewery Frederick, Maryland
Bottle, taste is malty. Smells is malty. Is this a wee heavy? I think so, heheh. Really I think this is a Scotch Ale / Wee Heavy. It has the same attributes and same feeling on the brain that wee heavy does. It actually taste the same too. You know, the mouth coating, brain dizzying effects. Goes down too easy for the alky content it exhibits. Thanks FD for the vacation, heheh. Yes, a malty gingham irish check.


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