Hi my name is Braxton, but I have many nicknames including B, Brax, Brak, Brakkie, and Braxto. I like beer and I like to drink it because the psychoactive drug that it contains, ethanol, makes me feel warm and tingly inside and helps me to forget the painful facts of my life and how I came to be on this earth. My father, who abandoned me as soon as he learned that he successfully fertilized one of my alcoholic prostitute mother’s eggs, was a convicted heroin dealer and murderer from East Texas. My entire existence is based on the fact that he paid an amateur whore from the east side of Cleveland for sex and that they did not use protection. That is the miracle of my life, and that’s why I’m here. My beer philosophy is the higher the ABV the better, because more alcohol kills more brain cells, and the more brain cells I kill, the more memories I destroy. In particular, the memories regarding the truth of how I came to be, including the loveless sexual union that was paid for and responsible for my own creation, and, more importantly, the subsequent pain and anxiety-filled childhood I faced as an obese and awkward white child, in poverty, and in a mostly black, section-8 housing project. But luckily, after getting expelled from high school following a rather impressive scholastic record of being in all honors classes and a program for gifted students from 1st grade onward, I was able to land a job as a line cook at a local restaurant where I worked my way up from a prep cook, to the Vice President of Information and Technology for a major restaurant chain in the Cleveland area, where I work very long and hard hours and make a decent enough living that I can afford to buy various substances which I routinely pour down my throat or snort up my nostrils, to help numb out the emotional and mental pain that grows like bacteria inside me, and helps to turn down the volume on the voices of the demons that have formed in my psyche over the course of a lifetime of nothing but pain, suffering, and struggle. I like a good pale ale and am a sucker for Winter/Christmas Ales. [ less ]

Hi my name is Braxton, but I have many nicknames including B, Brax, Brak, Brakkie, and Braxto. I like beer and I like to drink it because the psychoactive drug that it contains, ethanol, makes me feel warm and tingly inside and helps me to forget the painful facts of my life and how I came to be on this earth. My father, who abandoned me as soon as he learned that he successfully fertilized one of my alcoholic prostitute mother’s eggs, was a convicted heroin dealer and murderer from East ...
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