Stupid Ratebeer Tricks

Fun & Humour August 5, 2004
Written by jercraigs

Toronto, CANADA -

In terms of Ratebeer usage I am what the marketing types like to call a "frequent user". I visit the site many times a day even knowing that there isn’t going to be anything new since the last visit. Many of you do the same I am sure. We have the stats junkies who are constantly trying to figure out new stats, and measure this that and the other. Me, I like to see where I stand in the grand scheme of things. Where am I in the rankings of raters in Canada? (This can be sometimes be humbling given that guys like Oakes and CapFlu top the charts here.) How many of the Top 50 have I had? Which ones can I get? What do I need to get all of the Top 50 Most Accessible? How many of the Top 50 in Canada? Ontario? What beers are organic? It’s an addiction really, but it is also a time "waster" that has helped me stay sane some days.

If you can empathize with the above, the following article is right up your alley! You already know the type of quasi-boredom that lead to me exploring this. Even if you can’t, there may be some nuggets of interest to you anyways. This is by no means meant to be a serious piece, rather it will hopefully provide a smile or too. I know I am not the only one to try something this, since Shorlin wrote a somewhat similar piece on user names a while back.

Ratebeer Searches

The search and advanced search functions on Ratebeer are extremely useful when you are trying to track down a specific beer, or find the highest rated beers in your vacation destination. They are also pretty darn useful for answering slightly more frivolous ponderings like how many beers have the word dog, in their name.

Google Searches

Not everyone is aware of this, but you can use Google to search specific websites, or web domains. Enter your search word then "site:Ratebeer.com" without the quotes.
[Use the Google advanced search functions for more detailed instructions.]

This feature is very useful when searching for say that beer article you remember seeing in the local paper but you don’t remember when, or finding that rating you only vaguely remember. I finally found one that I saw when I first started on Ratebeer, which started a number of spirited conversations at gatherings. As it turns out it
Bück Dich’s rating of <a href http://www.ratebeer.com/Ratings/Beer/Beer-Ratings.asp?BeerID=594&FanOfID=6337> Rogue Old Crustacean where he notes that the, "aroma has alcohol, hops, and morning after sex smell." Much speculation as to the details of that assessment has since occurred but I will let you ponder that one on your own.

Personal Vanity

Similarly, searches of Ratebeer for the weird, the bawdy, and the inane yield some interesting statistics and quotations. A Google search for “jercraigs” yields 1840 hits, 1590 from Ratebeer.com, up from around 546 when I searched a few weeks ago! This includes hits from my own site, Bartowel.com, LPSSMatters.com, Stuckeyville.com (where OKBeer is also a member) and various breweriana and concert bootleg trading sites.

"Jeremy Craigs" yields another 22 hits including a letter to EYE, Homebrew Digest and miscellaneous beer related sites.

In comparison "Oakes" yields 2630 hits on Ratebeer, and "Josh Oakes" finds 601 hits on the web, mostly links and references to The Beer Manifesto. (A general web search for just "Oakes" yields too many sites unrelated to Josh.)

Dich and Fark Jokes

Indulging my inner six year old I start searching Ratebeer for things like urine (704), ass (1730), feces (38), fecal (0), crap (1710), shit (1600, albeit 1380 of those are for "good shit"), piss (1220), sex (121),

A more thorough analysis reveals that Ratebeerians actually comprise one of the world’s foremost collective authorities on urine. The 1220 references to piss includes cat (both regular and rancid varieties), skunk, kangaroo, chihuahua, dog, donkey, hooker, yak, horse, camel, llama, and the intriguingly disgusting "combination of homeless man urine and old garbage" <a hrefhttp://www.ratebeer.com/Ratings/Beer/Beer-Ratings.asp?BeerID=5975&Show=0&SortedBy=4>www.ratebeer.com/Ratings/Beer/Beer-Ratings.asp?BeerID=5975&Show=0&SortedBy=4 The most eloquent of these is likely to be Kimchee’s Péché Mortel review, rated in the poetic style of MartinT, "pounds of coffee beat the living piss out of a flourless chocolate cake with caramel sauce."

Of the 1730 references to ones hindquarters, 102 were sucks + ass and 457 for kick + ass. Another popular adjective is barnyard, which nests 1070 hits. The difference here is that many of these are contained in favourable reviews, Barnyard + girardin nets 175 hits all on its own. Bleen notes that the aroma "is barnyard to the extreme, wet hay, horse stables, and leather wrapped up in a small bottle."

Sex, Drugs and Rating Beer

The 121 references to the word sex include things like the previously mentioned rating from Bück Dich, an article on the worlds sexiest beer names, and a few ratings from users who may be too invested in their glasses. Rocherfort 10 is described as "As close to sex a beer can be", while Silktork gushes over his glass of Westy 12 describing it as, "soft and sensual. Fellatio, cunnilingus - whichever way you like it, and call it what you will, this is oral sex of the highest order."

Other ratings include thinly veiled references to Arnold Schwarzenegger’s election scandals, beers described as "better than sex" (Westy 12 again), and Seamus Neko’s observation that "if this beer were a woman, she’d have the body of a 50’s starlet like Jane Mansfield of Marilyn Monroe. Va-va-voom! " in reference to Bells Expedition.

Pop Culture and The Competition

Less crude searches find Homer (132), "Homer Simpson" (64), Simpsons (32), crapulence (Just one? Kudos to <a href=http://www.ratebeer.com/Story.asp?StoryID=282>Oakes for using this perfectly cromulent word!), crapulent (One hit from MartinT), cromulent (This article will be the first. That "other site" has two.), "Family Guy" (6).

Ratebeer is a pretty inclusive community and references to other beer sites do pop up occasionally: Malt Advocate (132), BA (17), the "other site" (23), Bartowel (19). Searching these other beer sites for "Ratebeer" turns up 16 references on Bartowel.com, and another 95 references on BA. Interestingly a search for "rate beer" on BA finds 52000 hits. Clearly Ratebeer is a hot topic over there eh? Hehe.

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The 1220 references to piss includes cat (both regular and rancid varieties), skunk, kangaroo, chihuahua, dog, donkey, hooker, yak, horse, camel, llama, and the intriguingly disgusting "combination of homeless man urine and old garbage"

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