beer ratings: new

“The aroma is malty and also hoppy making it seem like an IPA. There is both pine and citrus hops. The appearance is amber gold with a medium head. The taste is like the aroma with a citrus finish. The palate is smooth. Overall a nice beer.” -- by nick76

“I’ll admit that I’m somewhat of a beer snob and can be somewhat biased when it comes to American beers. I’m offended on a deep, spiritual level by some of the swill we call "beer" in this country, and the fact that some of it must be consumed at or near the temperature of liquid nitrogen to prevent the possibility of any flavor accidentally making it’s way into your mouth. To be fair, this is because you would not want to risk sampling any of that "flavor", as most mass-produced American lagers taste like warm hooker spit filtered through gonorrhea. A friend of mine, knowing my distaste for mass-produced beers, recently challenged me to sample of some of our more "exotic" domestic brews. Since this sampling activity also included dangerous amounts of beef and pork products, I accepted. "You’ll love it" he said, "I know how much you love lambics and this also has fruit in it." With little fanfare, he pulls out a bucket full of ice and a single, multicolored can of Four Loko Watermelon. After nearly laughing myself unconscious I slowly start to realize he’s serious. Reverently sliding the can out of it’s chilled receptacle, he pops the top with a slow, purposeful motion and pauses for a brief moment, contemplating the journey we are about to undertake. I make sure 911 is typed into the keypad of my phone, and watch as he pours each of us a glass of this pinnacle of this chemical masterpiece. To describe this beverage properly would require a mastery of American nautical slang that I sadly lack. The most accurate way to describe the flavor experience would be to imagine sucking on a condom wrapped watermelon jolly rancher. The rich, chemical stew of what I imagine spermacide to taste like with mixed with the bold taste of rubber and rotting watermelon is designed to slide quickly down your throat while suppressing the gag reflex. "Warning, do not induce vomiting" must be on the can somewhere, if I can find it. At the moment I’m trying to figure out if there’s a way to surgically remove the portion of my brain that remembers what this tastes like, but this is probably an experience I want to remember so I don’t intentionally repeat it. I’m not saying that some might find this beverage unpleasant, there are entire demographics out there that this beverage is, or was intentionally marketed to. College sluts, idiots, people who lack the ability to taste, there are many who may enjoy this premium malted beverage. So to help those who love to help others just a little too eagerly make an informed decision, here is the formal review. Aroma: Watermelon, formaldehyde, algicide, fungicide, pesticide, naugahyde. Not unlike a bucket full of rose pedals and watermelon slices, steeped in bong water, isopropyl alcohol and malathion, and then delivered via a nasal enema. Appearance: - Not unlike a fine boxed wine, the color is somewhere between Franzia Blush and Dexron ATF. The lazy procession of CO2 bubbles from the bottom of the glass help add a sense of class to this bold, fun-loving beverage. It also appears to be etching the glass. Flavor: - Similar to a condom-wrapped watermelon jolly rancher soaked in lighter fluid and antibiotics. All of the flavors on the beer flavor wheel near "phenolic" and "solvent-like" are present here, each fighting a tactical nuclear war with the others for supremacy. Behind this there are more subtle flavors: plastic fruit, magic markers, and cancer. Mouthfeel: Medium body, similar to gun cleaning solvents. The residual twisted, mutilated sugars help coat and suffocate your remaining taste buds, ensuring that your brain is not permanently damaged. Overall impression: A bold, aggressive beverage with a unique flavor profile. A flavor profile that rapes the senses of taste and smell, but unique nonetheless. The only benefit to letting it warm up before drinking it is that it’s lubricative properties are greatly improved. If you have problems gagging during oral sex, this would be a good training experience. ” -- by mochakatsu

“Macon, Ga - Wine Styles Liquor Store - 12 oz can. Pours a sparkling medium copper with a light but persistent off-white head. Nice spruce-like aroma with some floral accents. Flavor has a nice subtle bitterness to it with some light minty accents, some faint spicy notes. Brief nutty accents round it out nicely. Mouthfeel has a nice crispness to it. Very decent.” -- by PorterPounder

“Bottle @ Bridgetown Beerhouse... Poured hazy golden with a bubbly white head. Creamy body, nice texture on the palate. The spicing was nice and it wasn’t overdone as the malt sweetness did a good job balancing. Hints of basil, strong amount of sage, candied sweetness and a drying yeast spice sweetness. Also notes of herbal and sliced tea with cinnamon.” -- by boFNjackson

“Can. Amber pour with a white head. Aroma of caramel, citrus hops, and Honey with a little spice in the nose. Taste has a caramel malt character with and a little toffee. I’m a fan of this beer. ” -- by JPDurden24

“The aroma is solid and balanced with caramel malt and citrus - pine hops. The appearance is amber with a medium head. The taste is like the aroma but not as sweet. The palate is smooth. Overall a very good session beer but definitely has bitterness.” -- by nick76

“really nice malt all around. deep malty aroma with caramel and biscuit and toast. flavor is similar but with more roasty and lots of nutty notes. slightly sweet, perfectly balanced, really delicious. just a good presentation of malt.” -- by kopher

“A Cali Quad, Let’s do this..16.9 ounces for 7.49 , bottle number 1208/10000. the pour is a nice ruby brown, with mimimal lacing, a wonderful spicy aroma..the first taste..booze and dried fruit..perfect.the second bigger taste..booooze, bitter hops, and a wonderful warmth..for a local Quad, this is damn good!” -- by SanDiegoDrunx

“Bomber courtesy of thome50 during Free Beer Week 2012. Thanks! Pours a clear golden-amber color with a medium sized frothy tan head. Decent head retention. Sticky hop aroma with resin, tropical, candied citrus notes along with caramel malts, wood and a faint bit of sawdust. The taste is intensely bitter hops... grapefruit, melon, tropical notes, lemon, toffee malts, peppery wood notes, vanilla. Medium-full bodied. Just the slightest hint of the alcohol. It’s hop juice... just as I expect from Alpine, but it does have enough malt to balance. Nice beer.” -- by Drake

“This an interesting strong brew worth a try or two. 22 oz bottle pous an clear dark brown wih persistent off-white head. Smell il full of citus hops and sweet malts. Aroma is the same, but also adds a bit of caramel. Tastes sweet with the hops coming out a little bit in the finish. Medium to full body with below average carbonation. 8.0% ABV is fairly well hiden, but this is by no means a session beer. I think I’ll go to bed now.” -- by ccex

“This blend pours a deep, dark, murky brown with a tan diminishing head and good lacing. Deep aroma of roasted malt, caramel, chocolate, coffee and port with hints of cherry. Full body and great flavor that’s not overly alcoholic given this is a blend of two strong barrel-aged ales.” -- by Natai

“Deep pitch black poor with a nice mocha coloured head. Chocolate and coffee aroma with the flavour of both on top of a nice roasted malt background. Smooth and silky, went down extremly well.” -- by Rangi

“22 oz. bottle, pours a clear dark copper with a medium white head. Aroma of truckloads of piney and resinous hops, mandarin oranges and other tropical fruits (mango and pineapple), and caramel malts. Flavour of orange peel, some mango, resinous hops, and caramel malt backing. Medium astringency from the orange peel notes, with quite a well-balanced body, though pronouncedly hoppy. Very enjoyable IPA.” -- by mcberko

“22oz bottle. Pours hazy straw yellow with a big fluffy white head that retains well and laces the glass.

The aroma is stinky musty yeast, bready malts and some bananas.

The flavor is sweet bready malts with some spices and bananas with a bit of a hoppy finish. The mouthfeel is medium to full bodied with low carbonation.

Overall, an OK tripel. I liked this better on tap. This seems too sweet with too much banana.
” -- by Beaver

“Pours very dark bronze that’s fairly clear with a smallish tan head. The aroma has lots of the bourbon barrel showing though, but it’s not really boozy. There are notes that aroma that are more vanilla, caramel, roasted malt, licorice, some dark fruit (dates/figs), creaminess and a bit of warming alcohol. The body is quite thick with some fairly sharp carbonation. The flavor starts out sweeter and with more of an alcohol presence than the aroma. There is also dark toffee, chocolate, a bit of hoppiness, English barleywine earthiness and some oak showing through. The finish has a slick sweetness that is like a blend of honey and molasses along with alcohol and dark fruit. This is quite good, but looking over the description it looks like the more robust and assertive flavors overpowered the more subdued ones listed.” -- by vyvvy